Joanne’s Story

Long distance caring is a difficult task.

We move away from our parents to enchance our lives, perhaps transfer to a better job, perhaps a change of scenery.  We call our parents once a week, or more often, and we hear “we’re doing fine, stop worrying about us!”  Because as you may know, it is the dream of every parent to see their child achieve happiness, and not be a burden to them.  So we visit them when we can, and when we start to notice the little changes: the house not being as tidy as it once was, moving a little slower, not wanting to go to restaurants or visit other friends or relatives.  But, “they are doing fine” so you let it be.

Joanne Seim, Vice President of Stonehouse Medical Staffing was diligent about visiting her parents, making the trip from Virginia to Long Island, New York, most often with her young children, once a month.  At first it was to allow her parents to visit with their grandchildren, because dad did not want to drive anymore.  This from the man who had a dream of driving cross- country when he and mom retired.  (early  warning sign )  The trip to Long Island eventually became a necessity, stocking the freezer with evening meals mom was too tired to make, cleaning the spots in the house she missed.  ( storm warning) When it became obvious they needed assistance on a regular basis, “no stranger is coming into my house” was the response.  Unfortunately, Joanne  listened to them and did what she I was told; they were her  parents and I had been trained to do what they said without question.  This all changed when dad fell in the backyard, breaking his rib, unnoticed by anyone for hours before a neighbor found him.  Mom was in the house, asleep.  (A classic red flag!)

Start the conversation early, while they are still relatively healthy.  Provide  them with  housekeeper (someone to do the laundry and wash the kitchen floor) as a gift, once a week.  This will allow them to adjust to the idea of accepting a little bit of assistance.  Please don’t listen to your parents.  Look at the real facts and make a decision that will keep them safe, and in the long run, happy.  Our staff is trained to make our clients comfortable and safe so that mom & dad won’t feel like there is a “stranger in the house”.    I did find someone to take care of both my parents, and while they were initially resistant,  my father recognized this as the best course to help him care for my mother, and ultimately him.  They  certainly do become a member of your family, they are the son or daughter who can’t be there every day, whether you live 300 miles from your parents, or around the corner.